A version of this article was featured in “Love, Willa,” Cosmo’s weekly relationships newsletter from editor-in-chief Willa Bennett. Sign up here.
Congratulations are in order to us here at Cosmo. Why? Because, as you may be aware, we recently launched our first-ever line of sex toys in partnership with plusOne! Featuring six different vibrators plus the signature (Cosmopolitan Lube Awards–winning) Coco Motion lube, the Cosmopolitan X plusOne All Yours collection is designed with your pleasure in mind. As your loyal Cosmo sex editor, I got to try them all and can confirm they more than make good on that promise!
Whether you’re looking for something discreet and travel-friendly à la the Read My Lipstick bullet vibe, a rose toy that lives up to the hype, or a rabbit vibrator that delivers on dual stimulation, there’s something in this collection fit for every pleasure chest. And while these toys are ideal for every experience level, we’ve made sure these products are all easy to use, approachable, and affordable—making them a perfect beginner-friendly pick if you’re new to vibrators.
So if you’re in the market for your very first sex toy—first of all, congrats! To help you pick the best vibe for your needs and make the most of it, I’ve gone ahead and answered some of the most common questions beginners have about vibrators, from what makes a good one to how to bring toys into your partnered sex life. Have fun—and happy sex toy shopping!
Shop the All Yours Collection Here
Cosmopolitan x plusOne Read My Lipstick Vibe
Cosmopolitan x plusOne Smokin' Rose Vibe
Cosmopolitan x plusOne Girls' Best Gem Vibe
Cosmopolitan X plusOne Main Character Vibe
Cosmopolitan X plusOne Comin' Soon Vibe
Cosmopolitan X plusOne Coco Motion Personal Lubricant
1. What Makes a Good Sex Toy?
One that makes you cum. Generally, I encourage people to shift their mindset away from what sex experts call “goal-oriented sex” (i.e., sex where one or both partners having an orgasm is prioritized as an “end goal”). But when it comes to sex toys—a literal product you are paying for as opposed to an intimate experience you’re sharing with another person—getting off often is the goal, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Obviously, what kinds of toys do the trick for you, personally, is going to vary significantly from person to person and figuring out your unique preferences can take some trial and error—especially if you’re new to the sex toy game. But at the end of the day, a “good” sex toy is one you feel comfortable using that reliably gets you off.
2. What Should You Look for When Shopping for Your First Toy?
There are certain types and styles of toys that are generally considered and/or marketed as more “beginner-friendly” than others. An “entry-level” vibrator is often thought of as one that’s relatively small and discreet (like a bullet or lipstick vibrator) and limits stimulation to one area (as opposed to dual-stimulation vibrators like a rabbit vibe).
While I think these can be helpful guidelines for beginners to keep in mind, my number-one tip for buying your first sex toy is to go with one that mimics the kinds of stimulation you already know you like, just based on how you like to touch yourself or be touched during sex. (And if you have no idea because you’ve never touched yourself, then my first recommendation would be to spend some time doing that before you bring toys into the mix!) Think about the way you masturbate—if you love really intense, direct clitoral stimulation, you might want to check out some bullet or wand vibrators. If you love when your partner goes down on you, a clit-sucker or oral-sex simulator might be the move. If you prefer internal stimulation, look for a G-spot vibrator—or a rabbit if you like having both internal and external stimulation at the same time.
I would say that, in reality, almost any kind of sex toy can be made “beginner-friendly” in that most vibrators include a range of settings, so you can start slow and increase the intensity at your own pace. Is something like a multi-stimulation, self-thrusting vibrator going to be a little intimidating to a beginner? Yes, probably. But in general, if you’re shopping based on what you already know you like, any vibrator can be a good first vibrator.
3. What Are the Biggest Misconceptions About Using Sex Toys?
I think a lot of the same ones we’ve been hearing forever still exist to some degree—that it’s “lazy” or that a vibrator will “desensitize” you or make it harder to cum without one. It’s all bullshit. Yes, many people (women and vulva-havers, in particular) may find it easier to cum with a toy than without one, but there’s no such thing as “cheating” when it comes to having an orgasm/experiencing pleasure. As for the fear of being “desensitized,” the general consensus among sex experts and educators is that is not a thing anyone needs to worry about. Many experts do recommend switching it up from time to time—experimenting with different toys or forms of touch so your body doesn’t get too used to one specific kind of stimulation. But the fear that you’re going to buzz your clit into a desensitized little nub is complete bogus.
Of course, there’s also the notion that men are cagey about women having sex toys and don’t want you using them because it will “replace them” or make it harder for them to get you off. Unfortunately, there definitely are still men out there who think this, but those are not men anyone should be having sex with! Sex toys aren’t meant to “replace” anything, be it partnered sex or any other masturbation techniques you may enjoy. They’re just a fun addition to your sex life—both solo and partnered—that offer more variety (and potentially more orgasms).
4. How Soon Is Too Soon to Bring Up Toys With Your Partner?
There is no such thing as too soon to bring up sex toys with a partner. First of all, not only is talking about sex toys early on a good way to smoke out the unfuckables I mentioned above, but anything that makes sex feel better for you is something you should feel comfortable talking about with someone you’re having sex with, no matter how casually. I think a lot of people (especially women and femmes, especially women and femmes who have sex with men) are afraid to speak up about what they like in bed. But the person you’re having sex with should want you to be having a good time and should be excited about co-creating a pleasurable experience with you (and your toys).
This is not to say that anyone should ever feel pressured to do something they don’t want to do in bed or that you should whip out a brand new vibrator in the middle of sex with a new partner without talking about it first. But as far as bringing it up? The sooner the better.
5. Should You Throw Out Sex Toys After a Relationship Ends?
Unless you developed some kind of emotionally charged association between a specific toy and an ex and now you get sad every time you look at your vibrator, no, I don’t see any reason for this. (Honestly, even if that is the case, maybe just hide it from yourself in a closet or something for a bit and revisit once you’re past the grieving stage?) I mean, you should probably wash it before you use it again with a new partner—but technically you’re supposed to wash it after every use anyway. (Which, yes, does suck. But it sucks less when you have a handy bedside toy-cleaner spray—pro-tip!)
6. What’s the Best Toy If You Live With Roommates and Need to Be Discreet?
Look for something that is under 50 decibels—ideally no more than 45 if you’re seeking something that’s truly quiet-quiet. All the toys from Cosmo’s new plusOne line are fairly discreet, but I’d say the Rose Vibe is the quietest of the quiet. You’ll also want to look for toys that are specifically marketed as “whisper-quiet” (or similar language) and avoid anything that mentions “rumbly” vibrations.
But if you want a pro-tip from me, a woman with multiple roommates, paper-thin walls, and a taste for wand vibrators (aka pretty much the loudest ones on the market), try using your toy under a weighted blanket. Now it’s an orgasm and an arm workout!
7. How Do You Bring a Sex Toy Into a Relationship Without Making Your Partner Feel Insecure?
I could write a manifesto on why your partner shouldn’t feel insecure about sex toys. But that wasn’t the question and the world we live in is, unfortunately, one in which some people’s partners may indeed feel insecure about bringing toys into the bedroom, so I’ll get off my soapbox now. Some practical tips:
- Don’t go into the conversation assuming they’re going to be threatened (even if you suspect they will be). If you haven’t talked about toys before, you technically have no idea how your partner will feel about it. They may surprise you by being totally down to try it out or even actively excited you brought it up. They may also feel more neutral or skeptical, but you get to set the tone here. If you bring it up as if it’s some huge, scary favor you’re asking, they’re more likely to feel threatened.
- If you’ve never talked about sex toys before and are anxious about how your partner may react, try testing the waters with some more casual toy-related conversations before you bring up incorporating them into your own sex life. You could tell a funny story (even if it’s fake) about a time one of your “friends” left her vibrator at her boyfriend’s house and his mom found it (or something), just to get a sense of how they might feel about toys—and couples using them together—in general.
- Bring it up as part of a two-way conversation about sexual fantasies, rather than a one-way proposition. Ask them about what new things they’d like the two of you to try together, then mention the toy thing as one of your own.
- Make it about them. When it comes to partners feeling insecure about toys in the bedroom, I think the primary insecurity stems from a fear that the toy is meant to “replace” them or make up for something they’re not doing right. That insecurity is their problem, not yours. But if the goal is to avoid triggering that insecurity rather than confronting and eradicating it, try sharing very specific fantasies about the ways you want to use the toy together in which your partner has a clear, active role. For example, “I think it would be so hot if you used my vibrator on me.” Or, get a wearable, app-controlled couple’s vibrator and tell your partner you want to wear it while they control it for you.
8. How Do You Know the Difference Between Using Toys in a Healthy Way vs. Relying on Them Too Much?
I really don’t think there’s such a thing as “relying on” sex toys too much (or at all). Vibrators aren’t some kind of shortcut or cheat code to pleasure, they’re just a tool for experiencing it in a different way. Sex toys aren’t a “vice” and using them doesn’t hold any kind of moral value. I mean, if you’re spending days on end holed up in your room with your vibrator to the degree that you’re ignoring friendships and work responsibilities, then yeah, you may need to reevaluate. But otherwise, your favorite sex toys aren’t hurting anyone—least of all you. Use them as much as you like.
